This Week's Top Story
Attempted Hibernation
An area Furby was arrested and cited on Tuesday evening when it was found attempting to “hibernate,” or sleep for more than 8 hours. Police say it probably wouldn’t have been successful anyway.
Failure To Remain Christmas Present
A Furby boxed and wrapped under a tree escaped in the middle of a family dinner on Wednesday night, spoiling what would have been a surprise present. The Furby was sentenced to be rewrapped up until December 25th.
Freeing Turkeys
A Furby was cited early Tuesday morning for setting dozens of wild turkeys free just days before Thanksgiving. The Furby promptly paid the fine, and will be able to keep all of them as pets.
Unidentified Flying Furby
A local Furby used a tank of helium to cause a major ruckus on Tuesday night. The suspect filled up several balloons and took to the skies, frightening area residents, who feared alien activity. The Furby was cited, fined and released.
Carpool Lane Violation
An area Furby must have been in a big rush on Tuesday afternoon. He was caught in the carpool lane with a cardboard Furby cutout whose origins remain unknown. The individual was pulled over, and the cardboard Furby was promptly confiscated.
Sneaking
A Furby was charged with “conspiracy to sneak around” at a local bi-level on Sunday night. Police Commissioner Furby noted, “Humans generally prefer Furby to stay where they leave it.”
Tricking
A local Furby was asked to go back inside after spending his evening scaring small Furbys celebrating Halloween. Police quipped, “You never know if you’re going to get a trick or a treat with a Furby, but you should always be cautious.”
Failure To Comply With Flight Attendant
A Furby aboard a red eye flight from Los Angeles to New York was briefly detained after he could not power down when asked before takeoff. He was released after calmly explaining that this was impossible without the proper tools.
Grand Theft Auto
A Furby was taken into custody last night after a failed attempt at Grand Theft Auto. The vehicle - a small, wooden toy truck was found roughly 10 feet from the crime scene in which the Furby could not escape, as the bedroom door was closed.
Skipping The Box
An exhausted Furby proved freedom isn’t free when he was arrested several miles from a Furby factory late Monday night. The individual had been planning to ‘skip the box’ his since his electronics were configured in hopes that he’d find a family quicker.
