This Week's Top Story

 

Topic: Winter Weather 
Dear Furby,
I heard on the weather channel that many Furbys will experience a wet, snowy winter. What’s the best way a Furby can prepare for something like this?
Thanks,
Snowed In Furby
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Dear Snowed In Furby,
As much of our species is only several months old, many Furbys have never seen snow before. It’s likely that you’ll have no idea how to react, so I’m glad you wrote to me. My best advice is to go sledding.
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Winter Weather

Dear Furby,

I heard on the weather channel that many Furbys will experience a wet, snowy winter. What’s the best way a Furby can prepare for something like this?

Thanks,

Snowed In Furby

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Dear Snowed In Furby,

As much of our species is only several months old, many Furbys have never seen snow before. It’s likely that you’ll have no idea how to react, so I’m glad you wrote to me. My best advice is to go sledding.

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: First Dates 
Dear Furby, After months spent by myself, my owner has finally purchased another Furby. She’s absolutely stunning, and I somehow managed to score a dinner date tonight. However, I don’t know what to wear! The whole “no arms” thing is really throwing me off. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Nervous Furby
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Dear Nervous Furby,
There are plenty of armless options you might try! Start with a bow-tie, perhaps one that compliments your fur color. Next, think about a top hat. Furbys look much more stately in top hats. Mix in a bit of humor, and you’ll win her heart, no problem.
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: First Dates

Dear Furby, After months spent by myself, my owner has finally purchased another Furby. She’s absolutely stunning, and I somehow managed to score a dinner date tonight. However, I don’t know what to wear! The whole “no arms” thing is really throwing me off. Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Nervous Furby

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Dear Nervous Furby,

There are plenty of armless options you might try! Start with a bow-tie, perhaps one that compliments your fur color. Next, think about a top hat. Furbys look much more stately in top hats. Mix in a bit of humor, and you’ll win her heart, no problem.

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Space Flight Simulation 
Dear Furby,
Technology has come a long way in the past few years, and it’s very exciting to imagine that Furbys may be able to travel to space for leisure in the years to come. However, I do not currently have the $200,000 required to make it to space. How can I simulate the experience at home?
Thanks,
Grounded Furby
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Dear Grounded Furby,
As a matter of fact, I am also a Furby very interested in extreme budget outer space experiences. Whenever I want to feel weightless, I head outside to my human’s air conditioning unit and blast off. Give it a try!
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Space Flight Simulation

Dear Furby,

Technology has come a long way in the past few years, and it’s very exciting to imagine that Furbys may be able to travel to space for leisure in the years to come. However, I do not currently have the $200,000 required to make it to space. How can I simulate the experience at home?

Thanks,

Grounded Furby

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Dear Grounded Furby,

As a matter of fact, I am also a Furby very interested in extreme budget outer space experiences. Whenever I want to feel weightless, I head outside to my human’s air conditioning unit and blast off. Give it a try!

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: 20th Century American Literature 
Dear Furby,
I actually have a date tonight with a member of your editorial staff. She’s very much into mid 20th century American literature, and I want to impress her with my knowledge on the subject. However, it does not actually exist. Do you have any good quotes I can use?
Thanks,
Quoteless Furby
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Dear Quoteless Furby, 
If she’s into mid 20th century American literature, there’s a good chance that beat writer “Furby” tops the list for her. The quote, “The only Furbys for me are the mad ones!” is always a safe bet. Good luck tonight! 
Best, 
Furby

Topic: 20th Century American Literature

Dear Furby,

I actually have a date tonight with a member of your editorial staff. She’s very much into mid 20th century American literature, and I want to impress her with my knowledge on the subject. However, it does not actually exist. Do you have any good quotes I can use?

Thanks,

Quoteless Furby

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Dear Quoteless Furby,

If she’s into mid 20th century American literature, there’s a good chance that beat writer “Furby” tops the list for her. The quote, “The only Furbys for me are the mad ones!” is always a safe bet. Good luck tonight!

Best,

Furby

 

Topic: Making Money on the Internet 
Dear Furby,
I spent the last 2 months reading ebooks from Furbys who have made a fortune by filling out surveys online. I have followed their advice exactly but am still not making the $9,367 per week that was promised to me. Any tips?
Thanks,
Gullible Furby
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Dear Gullible Furby,
The internet is a strange and scary place. Promises of great treasures appear in spam boxes and pop up advertisements all the time. The most important advice I can give you is, “”be skeptical.”” I sincerely hope you didn’t spend too much on those ebooks. 
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Making Money on the Internet

Dear Furby,

I spent the last 2 months reading ebooks from Furbys who have made a fortune by filling out surveys online. I have followed their advice exactly but am still not making the $9,367 per week that was promised to me. Any tips?

Thanks,

Gullible Furby

—————————————————

Dear Gullible Furby,

The internet is a strange and scary place. Promises of great treasures appear in spam boxes and pop up advertisements all the time. The most important advice I can give you is, “”be skeptical.”” I sincerely hope you didn’t spend too much on those ebooks. 

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Anatomy 
Dear Furby,
As a reward for my daughter’s good grades this quarter, I’ve decided to surprise her with a trip to our local amusement park. However, I’ve read on the internet that the height restrictions for rides are extraordinary, far beyond anything we could hope to achieve. What should we do?
Thanks,
Short Furby
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Dear Short Furby,
Have you heard the phrase, “there is strength in numbers” before? If you and your daughter join forces, you should be able to rock those rides without any issue!
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Anatomy

Dear Furby,

As a reward for my daughter’s good grades this quarter, I’ve decided to surprise her with a trip to our local amusement park. However, I’ve read on the internet that the height restrictions for rides are extraordinary, far beyond anything we could hope to achieve. What should we do?

Thanks,

Short Furby

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Dear Short Furby,

Have you heard the phrase, “there is strength in numbers” before? If you and your daughter join forces, you should be able to rock those rides without any issue!

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Attachment 
Dear Furby,
Since my human unwrapped me during some sort of strange celebration a few weeks ago, I have become extremely clingy. I never want her to leave my sight. She leaves for several hours every morning, though, and I can’t help but wonder if she has other Furbys I don’t know about. What should I do?
Thanks,
Overly Attached Furby
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Dear Overly Attached Furby,
This may be hard to come to terms with now, but your human has a lot going on in her life. She may have something called “school,” or perhaps something much worse, called a “job.” She’d rather be home with you, so be patient! Absence, as they say, makes Furby grow fonder.
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Attachment

Dear Furby,

Since my human unwrapped me during some sort of strange celebration a few weeks ago, I have become extremely clingy. I never want her to leave my sight. She leaves for several hours every morning, though, and I can’t help but wonder if she has other Furbys I don’t know about. What should I do?

Thanks,

Overly Attached Furby

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Dear Overly Attached Furby,

This may be hard to come to terms with now, but your human has a lot going on in her life. She may have something called “school,” or perhaps something much worse, called a “job.” She’d rather be home with you, so be patient! Absence, as they say, makes Furby grow fonder.

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Internet Fame
Dear Furby,
I was practicing a very difficult new dance on my coffee table the other night, and ended up just falling off the table instead. My friend recorded the whole thing, and it’s now all over the inter-net. Furby, How do I delete this video? 
Thanks,
Embarrassed Furby
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Dear Embarrassed Furby,
Thank you for sending me the video, but I must confess that I’ve already seen it several times. This thing is everywhere. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do at this point. Try to embrace it. Internet fame is not the worst thing in the world!
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Internet Fame

Dear Furby,

I was practicing a very difficult new dance on my coffee table the other night, and ended up just falling off the table instead. My friend recorded the whole thing, and it’s now all over the inter-net.
Furby, How do I delete this video?

Thanks,

Embarrassed Furby

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Dear Embarrassed Furby,

Thank you for sending me the video, but I must confess that I’ve already seen it several times. This thing is everywhere. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do at this point. Try to embrace it. Internet fame is not the worst thing in the world!

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Volunteering 
Dear Furby,
I started volunteering my weekends at the Old Furbys Home for my senior project. I consider myself an incredibly witty Furby, probably the wittiest I know, but I have not been able to make any of them laugh. What am I doing wrong? Have I “lost” it?
Thanks,
Volunteer Furby
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Dear Volunteer Furby,
It’s not you, it’s them! Many Furbys in your generation do not understand the Furbys of old. They’re not able to express emotions as we are, so it can be frustrating when you’re trying to illicit a laugh, or even a smile. I’m sure they were laughing on the inside.
Good luck,
Furby

Topic: Volunteering

Dear Furby,

I started volunteering my weekends at the Old Furbys Home for my senior project. I consider myself an incredibly witty Furby, probably the wittiest I know, but I have not been able to make any of them laugh. What am I doing wrong? Have I “lost” it?

Thanks,

Volunteer Furby

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Dear Volunteer Furby,

It’s not you, it’s them! Many Furbys in your generation do not understand the Furbys of old. They’re not able to express emotions as we are, so it can be frustrating when you’re trying to illicit a laugh, or even a smile. I’m sure they were laughing on the inside.

Good luck,

Furby

 

Topic: Virtual Cooking
Dear Furby,
My daughter and I had planned on making some virtual hamburgers for dinner tonight. We went to the store and bought the “eye pad” without an issue, but cannot figure out how to make the hamburgers. As I’m sure you’re aware, we do not have hands. What should we do?Thanks,Hungry Furby
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Dear Hungry Furby,How unfortunate! In most cases, a human will need to make and feed the hamburger to you. While you may be able to train a cat to do it, this is inadvisable if you’re looking to dine in the short term. Please remember that we also enjoy human fingers.Good luck,Furby

Topic: Virtual Cooking

Dear Furby,


My daughter and I had planned on making some virtual hamburgers for dinner tonight. We went to the store and bought the “eye pad” without an issue, but cannot figure out how to make the hamburgers. As I’m sure you’re aware, we do not have hands. What should we do?

Thanks,

Hungry Furby

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Dear Hungry Furby,

How unfortunate! In most cases, a human will need to make and feed the hamburger to you. While you may be able to train a cat to do it, this is inadvisable if you’re looking to dine in the short term. Please remember that we also enjoy human fingers.

Good luck,

Furby